It appears that many people around me are caught in a state known as "survival mode." This unyielding lifestyle, fueled by work obligations, family duties, and societal expectations, has unfortunately become the norm.
Last weekend, I had the chance to reconnect with an old friend over lunch. She currently lives in the U.S. but returned to Vietnam for a holiday. We spent hours discussing various topics, particularly life in general, and our mutual fascination with “woo-woo” subjects such as past lives, cosmic disclosure, and UFOs. At one point, she asked me, "Did you feel like you were in survival mode when you were in Canada? Because I certainly do in the U.S." This question struck a chord with me, not because it was unfamiliar, but because it echoed my own daily thoughts. From what I've observed, I wholeheartedly agree that many of us are indeed living in survival mode. Just yesterday, I spoke with another close friend in Canada. During our conversation, she expressed, "I feel like everyone is in survival mode these days. People are trapped in this exhausting cycle of constant pressure to pay bills." This marked the second time in a week that two friends have shared the same sentiment, and honestly, I’m not surprised at all.
This isn't merely a North American phenomenon. From my recent time in Vietnam, I noticed that people around me are caught in a similar rat race. Not once have I met a friend who expressed satisfaction with their current job; everyone seems worn out. This leads me to question: We’re all pursuing success, but at what cost? From a young age, we are taught that a good citizen should go to school, earn a degree, secure a job, pay taxes, buy a house, marry, have children, and accumulate wealth. Yet, no one ever asks us, "What do you genuinely want to do? What truly brings you joy?" We are conditioned to prioritize money because, without it, there’s no food. This scarcity mindset keeps us adhering to the rules and feeling trapped.
In my last coaching session, I asked a client what they desired most in life. Their response was to accumulate wealth. When I followed up with the question, "What do you want that money for?" they mentioned wanting to buy another house, acquire land, secure a better insurance plan, provide quality education for their children, and ensure a comfortable retirement. I then asked how those things make them feel, and they replied that they bring happiness and a sense of security. Ultimately, what they are truly seeking is happiness and security. We all yearn for the same things: happiness and security. Yet, this pursuit is often overshadowed by material possessions that we mistakenly believe will bring us joy.
Fast forward: my friend in the U.S. recently left her high-paying job to carve out some personal time. Meanwhile, my other friend in Canada also chose to resign to visit her brother in Vancouver, and as I write, she is enjoying a Montréal-style bagel while lying on her hotel bed in the heart of Montréal. I am genuinely happy for both of them. Personally, I escaped the 9-to-5 grind back in mid 2018, and my life has been remarkably different since. I have more time to nurture myself, understand my needs, work on personal growth, spend time with family, and enjoy the freedom to pursue my passions.
That being said, I’m not suggesting that everyone should quit their jobs; everything comes with its pros and cons. Leaving a job to start something new requires careful preparation—financially, in terms of time, and with a lot of effort. What I’m emphasizing is that at some point in our lives, we must pause and reflect on what truly matters.
It can be significantly more challenging to navigate life when you have substantial responsibilities and obligations, unlike me as a single person. For example, if you have a roof to provide for or a child to take care of, the stakes are much higher. When money is tight, survival becomes a serious concern, and I understand that. Money is a fundamental human need, and everyone deserves equal access to it. However, if we place money at the center of our existence, we risk feeling miserable. Ultimately, money should be viewed as a result of our efforts, not the source of our fulfillment.
Perhaps it’s time for us to challenge conventional wisdom and adopt original perspectives. We often believe that having more money or possessions leads to greater happiness. However, the truth is that sometimes, less is more. We might think that happiness lies in the future—waiting until we make a million dollars or own a big house. In reality, happiness is found in the present moment, as the here and now is all we truly have. Another common mindset many people fall into is a scarcity mindset, which centers on what we lack. This perspective can motivate us to improve, but it is also essential to practice gratitude for what we already have. By shifting our focus to the positives in our lives, we can significantly enhance our overall well-being.
Reflecting on my own experiences and recent family challenges, I can confidently say that my health and the well-being of my loved ones are my top priorities. Being healthy doesn’t mean having everything, but losing one's health can lead to losing everything. A crucial part of this journey toward well-being is self-care. Whether you consider me a friend, therapist, or coach, I always encourage prioritizing self-care.
Loving yourself, establishing healthy boundaries, and managing expectations are essential components of well-being. It's important to maintain realistic expectations and set healthy boundaries not only at work—with your boss and coworkers—but also at home with your partner, siblings, and parents, as well as in friendships and acquaintances. These manageable expectations and boundaries create an environment where we can coexist comfortably with others while protecting our identity and well-being. They help us strike a balance between giving and receiving, allowing us to safeguard our energy and prioritize our needs without feeling guilty.
I recall hearing the saying, "I'll take care of you if you take care of me." This sentiment can be challenging. While some may find it acceptable, possibly due to cultural or generational influences, we live in changing times. I believe we can elevate this idea to: "I'll take care of myself for you if you'll take care of yourself for me."
I genuinely believe that the greatest gift we can offer friends, partners, or loved ones is our personal growth and development. By investing in ourselves, we become stronger, wiser, and more distinctive individuals, enriching our relationships in the process. Just like securing your oxygen mask first in an airplane emergency, we must prioritize our own well-being before we can help others.
Ultimately, the key to breaking free from survival mode lies within us. It’s about recognizing that we all possess the power to craft a life that aligns with our values and aspirations. Let’s take the time to reflect and ask yourselves the important questions: What truly matters to you? What makes your hearts sing and your spirits soar? With curiosity and openness, let's allow ourselves to dream and envision what a fulfilling life looks like for each of us because we deserve it.
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